NEVER IT WAS ONCE.

so school's reopening tomorrow. it was so long that i thought this day would never come. if ever it comes to my mind, i always tell myself that it's still a long way to go so why bother thinking about it. but now, it's only 24hours away. i don't have the mood or motivation to go back to see creatures with fugly features. makes me sick.

i didn't much enjoy this time round holiday. the previous semester break was much better cause i get to have my vacation with ziyao in genting. we had great fun though the whole place was very bored. work was fun back then but now it's a whole new sad story. i felt out of place somehow. i just don't feel i belong there anymore. my colleagues and managers, they felt as if they are all different. i swear i've always been the same. so when did all this different feelings came from? i'm sure it's from the people whom i work with. it used to be all smiling when i arrive to my work place but now it's just a turn off place. yes, it went this bad.

i'm still struggling by emotions somehow. i don't know what are the remedies but i do hope i find a source for it. i felt unappreciated sometimes. maybe it's because of you, i'm not sure of it. don't tell me i wore myself out again, cause i promised myself that i'm not dying out this fast. so now i have to backtrack and retrace what are the differences and present which is tiring somehow but i have to pull myself to it.

i know i'm speaking things that are not really to understanding cause i really needa dig out something to speak of and to understand it myself and not to be understood by others. it wasn't a delightful term break for me. i hate this term break. it sucks and it suck badly. i felt like i'm the only one saving long bridge of helpless people. strength alone is not enough. so now i hope you see that although i try to be the best, am not there yet. don't break this limit because if it's broken, i can't promise you that it's gonna be alive.

so now i really do question myself, is this what i really want? am i able to carry all these emotions and burden all by myself? will i drive myself emotionally crazy about it? i always have a positive thinking that it's gonna be over soon. endure. sometimes i feel like am kidding to myself just to make myself having high hopes and all. so who do i turn to? no one. why? cause i walk this path alone and need not anyone's help.

no explaination needed.
i just need a piece of mind for my own space.
be honest, be faithful,
if it's hard.
you should know what to do.