TURN BACK THE PENDULUM WHEN I WAS A KID..

back then when i was a kid, i used to adore those soccer stars having those astonishing skills and the way they play. so i thought to myself that if only i could be like them. so, i went to different places to kick soccer and even in schools, i played soccer with different type of people. everyone seems better than me in every way. i was not a good player back then. in terms of speed, seems like everyone is faster than me. i envy those people who are better than me those days including my cousin. i played with him and suddenly to realize i was more like a burden in a team than helping them. i kept losing possession and there's no composure in me. i remember my cousin taught me a bit of what he knew that did not really help much. so i remembered when i was primary 3, that's where i started to develop into a better player but not a team player. i was more of myself. there was no teamwork in me. to me at that time is me and the ball then score. i was selfish. i was then spotted by my school soccer coach. he gave me a form together with 2 of my classmates, a forward and a goalie. i was rather a lone striker upfront due to my lack of teamwork. school team players did not like me cause they thought i was arrogant. i was a flop when i was training with my school team because i think it didn't suit me at all. so i decided to quit and waited for another chance which is the following year, the inter-house challenge. i thought the inter-house was rather bias cause the draw lots are as if they were planned. the good players are all majority at the green or purple house. for me the blue house, our players are not too bad. they are good but not that good.

we played 4 games. 2 wins 1 draw 1 lost. for me it's 4 appearance and 2 goals. i remembered the coach were always looking at me the way i play and everything. now that he knows what kinda position i preferred and not just a a forward that feed assist. but someone who likes to dribble a lot. so from that day onwards i told myself, "javan, back then you always envy people. so now let yourself be envied." i trained a lot for my soccer. so much that this time my cousins look up to me in soccer. i surpassed everyone of them, now in terms of speed, skills, vision, technique, i owned them. i train myself which not much people will train on which is the weaker foot. i didn't know how to use my left feet until i saw my classmate lincoln uses it. soon i improvise on it. if you ever wonder, how can my weaker feet shoot with accuracy? heh. that's a secret that you have to find in yourself.

i never play with people who are younger than me cause the older people always choose me to play with them. they are of a better people to play with cause they have patient. young people tend to lose their temper easily and causing problems in court, so why cause problem? you are here for a match and if you lose many of it, it means you need to train more to win again. causing problems will not make you win a match, it will just spoil your sportsmanship. you are here for soccer, thats what you are here for. if you wanna win, win that person in soccer. if you still can't, don't give up. keep trying and find that person back to match with him again.

i was stepping to another stage of playing which is those long passes that you see in beckham and andrea pirlo. i know i can't sway it like beckham cause he got his own way of doing it. i know i can't do an exact passing like pirlo. so i tried something about it. it's more like a long through pass that roughly gives you a position to shoot and control. i took control of free-kicks and corner and penalty to me is a phobia. i remembered when i was primary 4, i missed a penalty and everyone blame me for it. everyone was disappointed and so is my form-teacher. it is said i was fearful when kicking soccer but when i miss that penalty, everyone got a shocked. i started hearing my classmates, "yeah it's javan fault. he missed that final moments." so i swear i didn't wanna take any penalty from that day onwards. it made me felt horrible. i was my class captain in soccer, everyone look up to me when morale is down and i let them down even more when i miss that penalty. it was a great rivalry between the A class and the F class. i was at the F class.

so now am more of a team player and give myself another position to play which is being a winger both left and right position. i imporved much on stamina and ball control because i was mesmerized by zlatan ibrahimovic, despite his physique, he still can do tricks like any winger does. his ball control is godlike. but too bad, i'm not as tall as him.